So today I said the dialogue for half moon (ardha chandrasana) in front of Bikram.
I was nervous as hell.
Clammy palms, shaky knees, you name it. I’ve never really been one for stage fright, but oh boy did I have it today. Bikram has definitely been doing his best this past week and a half to humanise himself in our eyes. Harsh though he may be in class, he nonetheless offers funny, honest, and humble insights during every yoga class and lecture, and has been pretty merciful when it comes to giving feedback to people after they’ve done their dialogue for him. He has a huge personality, and he is intimidating any way you look at it, but he does at least flash moments of kindness and compassion that show that he is not all bravado and ridiculous statements. So I knew being nervous was silly. What was the worst that could’ve happened, after all? Maybe I’d fudge the lines a bit (which I actually did, but oh well), but otherwise I knew I would be okay.
Standing on the side of the stage waiting for his critique of my roommate to end, however, I was definitely not so at ease. My turn came though, and I went up, took the mic, introduced myself, said that I come from Bikram in the Lanes in Brighton, and said my dialogue. Which I thought was okay, but I was too busy focusing on not trembling to really notice. I was expecting a long critique afterwards, instead of which, all I got was: “I can’t give you any credit. You know why? Because when [my studio owner] BA send someone to me, they are already a teacher. She does all the work for me! You tell her that.”
And that was it. And in that moment, even though I was still wobbly all over and wasn’t entirely sure what had just happened, I knew without a doubt that he was right. Because, although I was the person up there saying the words, it was not entirely myself who had done all the work. The teaching style I have found myself settling into whenever I rehearse any part of the dialogue does indeed have some of me in it, but it is also an amalgamation of all of the truly wonderful and inspirational teachers whom I have gotten to be taught by in the last three years. BA, Simon, Naomi, Fran, Ayesha, Tula, Mat, Adrian, Fi, Leslie, and so many others, are all part of the reason why I’m here, and all inspire how I intend to one day teach my classes.
I am so, so lucky to come from such a loving and supportive home studio – a place I called my second home during three stressful years of university, a relapse of my eye disease and a death in my family. I got to celebrate birthdays there, boogie down with my bad self during Night Fever fundraisers, and victoriously finish a few 30 day challenges in that studio. My time at BITL is why I’m here and part of why I am who I am. And even though, when I return to the UK, it will no longer be my home studio, I will always be a BITL babe.
Sorry for that terribly soppy intermission, readers, but after today I felt I had to say it! As you were… x